Josh... this one is for you

and this is for everyone else:

I don't think I will ever be a hunter... for emotional reasons more than anything else - but now- sitting in the middle of this early morning forest- breathing in the fresh breeze and listening to absolutely nothing... the sounds of absolutely everything come crashing through. Now, I am feeling a bit envious of Billy and his hours and days sitting silently in the woods waiting for a deer.

I'm thinking that here, in this place, I could get lost and find myself all in the same moment.

I wish I had my camera, but then I would be busy again.
Busy seeking and creating and maybe
I just need to BE . To rest.

I just freaked a squirrel out with my cough. I don't think he realized I was here- so occupied with his busy task of collecting the heaping litter of acorns that have fallen to the ground. Everyone is preparing for the transition. Some transitioning into winter, some transitioning into new jobs or classrooms or new babies. Me, I thought this season was about our transitioning into living on the other side of the world... but I think now that I am transitioning into something far more personal.

A change somehow in the essence of myself. I am struggling against something- and although I do not doubt that the enemy has his hands on this also- I am beginning to wonder if my struggling is more lien to a bird being born- fighting violently with the constricting shell of the egg. Once hard and secure to protect the growing life inside, but today it is now all wrong - and I must kick my way out - punching through the walls - and I breathe whispers of fresh air from the other side and I know there is light - and still I struggle on. Resting from time to time because I am exhausted... but without the strength the struggle provides, I would be too weak to survive the light on the other side.

Yes, that makes sense to me.

What is it that my shell is made of?

I just shared my hot chocolate with the trail of ants by my hip.
I wonder how long it will take them to find it.
I wonder if they like hot chocolate... city ants do. They love all sorts of sweet treasures.
Ah, one is sipping... just plunged his head right in and is taking a big long sugar-buzzed drink.

The others are still to & fro-ing it... completely task oriented on their busy little highway- some of them completely walking around the big puddle. Perhaps it looks too messy for them to explore... or too dangerous. It is quite a big pool for a tiny creature. Or perhaps they simply can't see beyond the task at hand and their preassumption of what food is supposed to look like... so now they are completely missing this amazing chocolate goodness even though it is right there at their feet.
I know we look like this too... and sometimes the only way we get to find the pool of chocolate is if that first ant will be lovely enough to tell us...

hmmm... ministry encapsulated- huh?

I'm not thinking that I will ever be a hunter
- but I do think I might go buy myself a tree stand.

This is a pretty great place to sit quietly and be.